Bali Mood or How I Spent 30 Days in a Serenity

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BALI MOOD OR HOW I SPENT 30 DAYS IN A SERENITY

Before I move to my story in Bali, I would like to stop for a while with a bit of honesty. Without a doubt, I have never thought about the form of writing my blog posts. And about how would I talk to you. Simply, I write how I feel and live. Trust me, when I am about to upload a new article, I always have my heart up in my throat. Despite that, this one will be a bit more personal, a bit different.

Thanks to my supportive partner, I quit my job in February and took a year off for myself. The Year of Janka. The year, where I have time for myself, my thoughts, dreams, plans, self-development. I spent a part of this period in Bali.

exploring Bali
Photo: Lucia Tuzinska

EAT, PRAY, LOVE. BALI

The first flash of Bali in my life came through the film Eat, pray, love. Definitely, there exist just a few movies I could watch over and over, and this is one of them. It sounds like a cliche maybe, but I just fell in love with this film. Yep, the romantic parts are beautiful, but what impressed me the most, were the way and character of the main character. Discovering. Exploring. Scents and flavours.

Eat, pray, love in bali
Photo: Google

Despite that, Bali wasn’t on my travel bucket list. My karma had it in her, obviously. Bali and I said “Hi, it’s nice to meet you.” to each other in May 2018. I went there to visit my friends from Slovakia.

And it was magic! Dust, rubbish, smog pollution, smoke from waste burning, also beaches weren’t the nicest ones in the world. But Bali bewitched me. When I was leaving, I had a feeling deep inside that I will come back one day to explore this island more.

Bali mood

Days went by, a lot of things happened. I was trying to understand my place in this world. I was trying to understand myself and what was going on in my heart and soul. Moreover, my wasteless and minimalistic beginnings started to make sense. And began opening doors and knowledge greed further. At this time I found a word permaculture. A higher level of growing potatoes 🙂

WHEN DREAMS MEET A REALITY

I had plenty of plans and ideas. Should I go back to Uni and study Environmental Management? Or maybe I could spend a few months at summer university in Bali? What about some course? Later I realised that there are permaculture farms in Bali too. Few clicks through Google and I found Jiwa Damai. Organic garden and retreat centre in the heart of Bali in the middle of a tropical forest. Firstly, I had filled an application for a permaculture internship, and a few weeks later, I bought flight tickets and got a visa. Two months of waiting, I was over helmed with feelings of impatience, enthusiasm and effort to didn’t have any expectations. Above all, I was also curious if my first visit to Bali was just the excitement of an ordinary tourist or this place is really magic.

That moment when I had stepped out off the plane, and familiar scents got into my nose, my heart started beating. Later, I went through all entrance and visa controls. Between plenty of hand-written names found my one and move forward to my driver.

JIWA DAMAI

Jiwa Damai is a place where people from around the world meet to study, to find serenity and to learn from each other and also from nature itself. This piece of paradise puts together different permaculture principles to create a sustainable and self-sufficient community.

Jiwa Damai garden

Schedule for my internship was morning yoga, breakfast, project, lunch, project, meditation, dinner. Day by day, five days a week, weekends free.

Content of my project was supposed to put together after my arrival with Margaret (my mentor). Yep, I was convinced that my internship will be about permaculture.

permaculture in Jiwa Damai

FIRST NIGHT

First night in Jiwa Damai I spent by trying all angles of a bed and looking for earplugs. I didn’t sleep well. New sounds, new smells, a different bed. Expectations. Next day I felt like half-present. Was I already there, or was it just my imagination?

I counted with the fact that I would be hungry from three vegetarian meals per day. So I spent my free Saturday with a company of travel snacks. And sleeping and trying to stop chaos in crossroads of my minds and set up myself to Bali mode = let everything be and welcome what will appear. While I was writing these rows, first meditation in my life was coming. And dinner. I was not sure what I was looking forward to more 😀

PROJECT “I”

Few months before my trip, I was feeling like everything inside of me was screaming and brawling. My need to be alone, just with myself, far away from daily matters, was compelling. I wanted to be far away from the outside world. Pieces of my visions and dreams started to turn into shapes, and I was excited to learn something new and to move forward. But was I ready for that?

The second day of my stay in Jiwa Damai, I had the first appointment with Margaret, where we were supposed to name my project. Our conversation was surprisingly open and personal, and it turned out that my project was myself. Me, myself and I.

harmony in Jiwa Damai, Bali

To realise what is pushing you down in your life is an essential step. Which Selves you don’t like on yourself a why they became part of you?

Life in Australia gave me space to often be alone with myself and my thoughts. And I realised that I was cycling in the same patterns my whole life. But I didn’t know how to get out. I seriously started considering to look around for help like a mentor or even psychologist. And I found Jiwa Damai.

JIWA DAMAI

AWAKENING

I felt like awakening from a coma after meetings with Margaret. Sometimes I was shaking, because what will I do, when there won’t be anything to suffer? Sometimes I was surprised that someone else had to tell me all this and that everything is so simple. But, despite that, it is difficult also.

I can learn new knowledge and gain new skills anytime. I already found out that I can learn anything I want or need in a short time if I wish to or have to. To find MYSELF is substantial. To connect with me and to find my inner power. Finally, I gave myself permission for this all in Jiwa Damai. Believe me or not, I immediately felt like I came into life. Firstly, I started to feel lightness in my body. Secondly, I felt like all heaviness was gone. Like a stone from my heart disappeared. Above all I felt butterflies in my heart. Do I feel them as I am writing this? Do I feel them as I am reading this?

I felt gratitude because I could be with myself. So intense gratitude I wanted to cry. Not because of happiness, but because of mercy, that I could finally be with myself. I’ve got a feeling that deeper I was going into permission for being with myself more feelings went out of me as a telegraph tape. My feelings were like I came back to life like my body was happy that I woke up: “Welcome! I have so much to tell you! I missed you!”

yoga in Bali

NOTEBOOK

Last two paragraphs are parts of my private notes, which I was writing after each session with Margaret. After every single cloud and after every feeling. And yes, I feel butterflies every time I go back to that situation. Every single time I feel lost, I go back to my notes and to the lights.

To be honest, I needed to walk a long journey to accept the fact that I have a whole year for myself. To be alright that energy I would typically use to earn money, and to daily obligations, I can now apply for contemplation and for searching my way in life. It is a long and slow process. Everything has its time, and it is not necessary to push on things. Truth is that I have been learning this all since my arrival in Australia. Besides, I have never believed what everything can come out when you have time for yourself when you can connect with yourself, be conscious a be here for yourself. I am learning every single day to not only listen to my instincts but also to my heart. And step by step, everything is making a sense to me.

serenity in Jiwa Damai
OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

THIS BALI IS A HUGE CHALLENGE!

Okay, that’s enough of spirituality, I don’t want to make you sick 😀 So a bit of fun now.

In my notes, there is a sentence written by big letters: THIS BALI IS A HUGE CHALLENGE! And it was. I am very beginner in yoga. I have never ever tried conscious meditation before. Two days after my arrival, I got sick. It took me more than a week to be brave enough for a driving a scooter. It should be noted, that immediately on my first ride, I had an accident.

So. Yep, I was finally healthy and stopped to feel like a loser in a company of a yoga teacher from Estonia and a dancer from Australia. So I had an accident, and I finished with knees covered with blood and bruisings almost everywhere on my body.

I spent another whole week with physical and psychical convalescence. And I was trying to find the courage and to continue with driving a scooter. The sentence about Bali challenge was written lying in a bed with a temperature and diarrhea, but! I took another driving lesson, and after half day of driving in Ubud in crazy Bali traffic, I was very proud of myself. A small step for the world, but a big one for me.

Bali family

I KNOW, BUT REMEMBER ME SOMETIMES PLEASE

To see this, all black and white may seem like nothing special, but all these lessons gave me a lot. Two best. First, Yoga is not a competition. You go as far as you can and don’t compare yourself with others. To don’t examine is a challenge itself, isn’t it?

Second one. I am pretty sure you find yourselves in situations when you would like to give up and run far away. Very often, even before you at least try something new or immediately after first fuck up. Give yourself time. Stop for a while, breathe in and breathe out and try again, and you will see that it is possible. Slowly, with pain in stomach and bloody knees, but you can do it! Without a doubt, that feeling when you finish successfully is priceless. Feeling of indescribable release, gratitude and consciousness that if I don’t give up, I can do something.

This all is just facts we already know and have deep inside of our hearts. Definitely. Most of the time, we just need someone who will wake us up.

This was my bubble. My safe and dream world. And now is the time for reborn into a reality. That one is pretty lively. But maybe next time 😉


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